<center>dEEPLy cONFusEd</center>
I didn't care much for school when I was younger. I hated having to go, I hated having to do what they wanted me to, I hated being herded around all day for no reason, most of all, I hated having to sit in the cafeteria at lunch, during assemblies, and before class started. I didn't not hate many of the people there, and I didn't care for any of them. When I was in jr. high, they called it jr. high instead of middle school because we had an additional middle school for 5th/6th graders because the elementary school kids were getting beat up, so they had to move the 5/6ers away to save the kindergardeners. When I was in jr. high, I used to sit with some kids at lunch I didn't particularly like. They were stupid, but that didn't bug me, what bothered me was that they were perverted as hell. Every day they'd spend the entire time talking about how they're going to run a porn business with each other, and they'd talk about all the girls they'd f- and all these disgusting things they'd do. I've never liked to hear that stuff, and I sure as hell won't ever join in on it. But everybody was like this at that time, made it so I didn't want in...on anything. I just wanted stand in the background and disappear. I'd have rather stood outside in the cold during lunch, but the doors were always guarded. So I'd mostly be silent while they crapped from their mouths. But they couldn't let me be...never can...unless I didn't want them to. So since I didn't join in the conversation, they came up with my contribution for me. They decided my job would be to eat out all the fat chicks they kicked. I really grew to hate these guys.
I've been going to school here for about 2 years now. The building most of my good classes are held is also where I do all my studying, and I work there too, so it's like a second home to me...or a fourth or fifth, depending on how we wanna count homes. I use the restroom there a lot. Every day since I started school here I've used the same stall and seen written on the toilet paper dispenser "dEEPLy cONFusEd". I always read it with a grain of salt. Had no idea why it was written, didn't much care. I never really wondered what they meant, but now I wonder quite a bit. I was talking to a guy I work with who's come from India (not uncommon, there's probably 10x more of these guys here than there are of me, the 'majority'). He came to the US recently and was telling me about some of the things he was having trouble getting used to. He still has a really thick accent, so things came out a little weirder than he meant, but basically first he convinced me the water fountain in the hall is actually a toilet. Basically he's used to toilets that squirt water into your "ass" (a direct quote there). He said when he first used a bathroom here he couldn't find the button or whatever to clean his ass. He wasn't used to using toilet paper at all, said it was weird and that it just didn't feel as clean. I've never squirted water in my ass, and I don't care much for talking about cleaning the shit out of it, especially while we're at work and I'm trying to keep my dignity. But I realized that's probably why the guy was "dEEPLy cONFusEd". It makes me wonder how long that guy was sitting in that stall by himself there trying to figure out what to do. Searching all over for some way to fire water into his bum to clean up so he can get back to whatever the f- important stuff he was up to. Staring and staring at that roll of paper on the wall, no clue why it was there when he walked in. He realizes what it's probably for now, but he just can't figure out how to do it...how do you reach to clean it? What's the best way to go about it? Putting your hand in your ass is kind of disgusting, why do we do this? People walking in and out without a word, and the poor sap is still sitting there, just trying to figure out how to clean up. But why does he have so much trouble? I don't remember not knowing how to wipe -- I don't remember learning, that's for sure. Had I never learned, I wouldn't remember that even. For all I know, I could still not know how to do it right, perhaps I do it completely wrong, I'd never know.
I recently heard that one of the guys from that circle jerk ring was in a bad car accident about a year ago. He was run into a ditch or something by some asshole driver while on his way home from college for the weekend. His car flipped and totalled and the guy ended up in what was, from what I can tell from the pictures I saw, a nearly full body caste. Had to drop all his classes part way through the semester, lost the $ from tuition and set him back a full year. As much as I hated the guy, seems like I'd be happy, maybe not happy, but at least get a little satisfaction. But I don't, I want to, but I don't. I have a little sympathy for the guy -- he was in a rough situation already, having to take out loans right from the start to pay for school, now it's loads worse. I feel sorry for him, but I don't want to. I hate that. I wish I had better control of my thoughts...psh...wish I had any control.
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