I have no sense of humor.
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Author:  Amergin [ 24 Oct 2006 22:23 ]
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In the past, whenever I have said, "nothing is new," I never really meant it, and I suspect this is true with other people. Well, that holds true now when I say that nothing is new. Things have been happening, but nothing noteworthy enough to write about. My life has been moving, but not fast enough to talk about it. I have grown, but not tall enough to do much more than mention it.

Winter is coming. For me this means... what does it mean? I'm looking forward to it, certainly. The change of seasons is something I truly enjoy, but whether it's from the change itself, or because I know that I'll eventually end up back at winter, I'm not sure. Both, I think, since I really, really like autumn and spring can be rather refreshing.

Author:  Amergin [ 26 Oct 2006 17:20 ]
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My (extended) family seems to be dropping like flies. First it was Shannon, my sister's cousin and good friend. She died of pulmonary something -- essentially, her heart exploded. Then it was Brian, my uncle's son, from a motorcycle accident. And now it's my cousin, her husband, and their two young children. The husband was flying his private plane with them in it. They crashed over the Grand Canyon. At the moment, it appears that my dad will be flying to Georgia to go to the funeral. Aunt Caroline, the mother of my cousin, is sort of having a breakdown right now.

We're working on a project in English class right now. It's an allegory in the style of Orwell's Animal Farm, with all of the characters cast as various members of the animal kingdom. We had to base it around a historical event, and I chose Persia's military campaign in Greece, specifically the Battle of Thermopylae. Before we begin the task of writing the actual allegory, we have to do a timeline, cast of characters, and draw up a map. Something else, too, but I forgot what it was. As I sit here writing this, I'm periodically switching over to my allegory cast. I have this whole thing set in the Atlas Mountains of northern Africa, so it's a given that Leonidas will be a Barbary Lion, and I'll probably have Xerxes I set as a Barbary Leopard and his father, Darius I, as an Atlas Bear. There will be others, of course.

Author:  Amergin [ 01 Nov 2006 19:58 ]
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Dad leaves for Georgia tomorrow and will be back, hopefully, on my birthday, which also happens to be the start of basketball season. I'm so close to dunking I can taste it. I can get the rim easily, do lay-ups easily, and palm a ball easily, yet I just can't seem to dunk. I can do it with a dodge ball or a smaller ball that I palm easily, though, so I'm going to work on my hand strength (squeezing tennis balls) and see what happens.

Life is good.

Author:  Amergin [ 04 Nov 2006 22:07 ]
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Yesterday, a friend came in late to school and said it was because originally he wasn't going to go, as he was dizzy. I sort of internally scoffed at this, but whatever. Well, mid-way through today, I feel extremely dizzy. I'm not sure what's up with this, but it's now 9 PM and I've been feeling dizzy and uncoordinated since noon. It's not a good feeling.

I picked Dink Smallwood up again. Not the original Dink, but mods of it. Long ago, I was a semi-active member on the Dink Network. I looked back today on my old reviews and blogs and was... ashamed, really. I suppose it's vaguely encouraging that I've changed as much as I have during my 3-year hiatus from the Dink universe, but still; it's embarrassing that I was ever like that. I'm on a new account now, and have so far written four reviews, three of which are pending approval.

Basketball starts, as I've already shared, this Monday. I'm not sure that I'm looking forward to it. I look forward to Monday, but not the fact that basketball is starting Monday. Basketball is... meh. Don't get me wrong, I'm a more than decent player, but I've never really liked the sport. I was never a fan of ball sports, but I think it's team sports that are actually what I generally dislike.

Author:  Amergin [ 06 Nov 2006 20:41 ]
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Well, today wasn't bad. Both of my (previously sprained) ankles are hurting, and I pulled my left calf muscle, but our first basketball practice wasn't bad. It looks rather promising, actually. I don't think I'll like our coaches much, but I will respect them. As for my birthday, I haven't yet opened the gifts from my parents, but I've gotten cards from two of my sisters and my grandmother, in total containing $110. Is good. Oh, and Mikey finally burned those two CDs I've asked for. I can't wait to pop 'em in.

Author:  Amergin [ 07 Nov 2006 20:57 ]
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Sweet baby Jesus, am I sore! Yesterday, three kids puked, one kid had a bloody nose and was dizzy, and about nine kids simply sat to the side because they couldn't stand anymore. Today wasn't quite that bad, though a few people skipped, but we had a lot of suicides to do, and those suck when you're a big guy and haven't ran out to buy basketball shoes yet. At the moment, both of my calves feel like every square millimeter of them were stabbed with a hot poker. Still, it's not a bad burn. It's the kind of pain that says, "I suck, yes, I know, but you'll get used to it." If Coach keeps working us like this every day (which he almost certainly will), we'll dominate out there.

Methinks I'll surf eBay for some things to buy with the cash I got for my birthday. I'm not sure what, exactly, I want. There was a beautiful Sonata Arctica dog tag that I liked and that went Who-Knows-Where, but I'm not sure that's what I want, anyway. I've been looking for something specifically symbolic to me, but the kind of thing(s) I'm looking for don't seem to be sold on eBay. If you (yes, you, the reader) find anything neat on eBay, kindly let me know. I'm looking for ideas. Something, preferably, below $50.

I'm off to watch NCIS and to record the election special Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Dan Rather are doing together.

Author:  Amergin [ 08 Nov 2006 22:56 ]
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As of several hours prior to the time of this writing, the Democrats have taken the House and hold fifty seats in the senate, with forty-nine going Republican and one still contested. The margin we're talking about here is only a few thousand votes. Also, Donald Rumsfeld, arguably the source of the entire Middle East fiasco, has resigned from his position of Secretary of Defense. Further, it's the first time in the history of the United States that we will have a female Speaker of the House (Nancy Pelosi). I should tell you here that I am not a Democrat. Liberal, sure, but not a dem. Nor a Republican, nor a centrist, nor a Libertarian, nor an "Independent," nor a slew of other words you could throw at me. I suppose you could call me a socialist, but first and foremost I am a humanitarian.

Politics are petty. They disgust me, actually. I used (the time frame here is just under two years ago) to be absolutely certain that I was going to go into politics "when I'm older." I wasn't going to major in Political Science in college; it was going to be Law. My reasoning was that, realistically, I wouldn't be elected every time and I would need something to fall back on. I had it all planned out. I would put myself through college while working as a paralegal for Washington DC's Office of the Public Defender, get my law degree and work as a litigator for the OPD, and eventually open up my own firm. By the time I was in my early thirties, I would launch myself onto the DC political scene faster than anyone ever had.

During the two years since then, though, my view has expanded. While I could never have truthfully called myself a patriot, my view of America then was much different than it is now. Now, for instance, I know that I want to travel extensively when I'm older. And when I do settle down, for I will at one point, it will have to be somewhere cold. I've thought about Iceland's Reykjavik and Finland's Kemi extensively, and those are still likely possibilities. I find Finnish to be a pretty freaking ugly language, though--even more than English.

Anyways, the point is that politics are a waste of time. I'm not saying that the governing of a specific country is a waste of time, but think about it. Who runs our country would not be important, were it not for other countries. Everything revolves around global affairs. The economy could be as terrible as possible, but if there are no other countries to serve as benchmarks, for all the public knows, the economy is booming. Politics. It's all about who you know. This is true on the said global scale, and on the smaller personal scale. Nothing ever gets done if you don't know the right people. A reason for this I offer up is that no one person is rich enough to finance their own campaign, buy votes, and bribe the appropriate officials.

It's interesting to note that corporations work the same way. While thousands of people may have stock in the company, it's still run by a small group of people. The board of directors, and those whom it elects, govern virtually everything. Is also interesting to note, that this similarity exists while there is still a stink about the corruption of the (US, but it applies elsewhere) government, about how it's all gone corporate. As an example, take Diebold, Inc(orporated). Diebold is an electronic security company that makes things like computerized locks, ATMs, and voting machines. There's a video floating around the internet right now about how easy it is to hack a Diebold electronic voting machine. This is an extension to an extremely interesting documentary, which I happen to have forgotten the title of. A few things it touched on, though: Merely a couple of days after the 2004 presidential election, Diebold paid the state of California $2.5 million to settle out of court for a lawsuit that alleged that Diebold had knowingly used faulty voting machines. Stephen Heller, an ex-lawyer of Diebold, is currently facing a few felonies for stealing some documents that supposedly pointed out some flaws in Diebold's security for their voting machines. There is also a huge controversy right now about Diebold and their relations with the Republican Party, especially in Ohio. The short version is this, Kerry threw in the towel in 2004 after it became apparent that he wouldn't get Ohio. In doing so, he voided his right to challenge the vote. There was a conversation he had while on speaker phone and with Reverend Jackson, though an entire room full of people were in the room with the reverend. In the conversation, he essentially said that he was more or less certain that the voting machines were rigged. "Sure," you say, "of course he'd say that. He had just lost." Yes, he did, but there's more. A significant part of the documentary was about how easy it is to access the central computer (all the memory cards of the voting machines need to be taken out and inserted into the central computer, which then does all the counting) and change the votes without leaving any trace whatsoever. Another, also important, part was about the memory cards. According to Diebold, the only things on all of the memory cards were the numbers of votes for each candidate. Diebold also said that it would be impossible to change those votes given only the memory card and the data on it. And so, when a Finnish techie working with the documentary crew completely changed the votes on the card (without leaving a trace) using a program that was already on them, Diebold was more than a little confuzzled. They couldn't acknowledge that a program existed on the cards, and yet they had said the numbers couldn't be changed, given the cards alone.

There are many, many more examples of corruption in Diebold and many, many, many more examples in politics as a whole. The world, and, I fear, especially my country is filled with corruption and untruths. Still, I fear I may have gotten sidetracked.

Summary: Politics is a waste of time. Politick is the petty squabbles of mice and men. We, as the human race, should be banding together and working on the things that truly matter. While we have our Jihads and our wars, our debates and our enmity, somewhere out there is something greater. There are greater goals, and certainly a greater threat. Whether it be (potentially peaceful, potentially not) extraterrestrial life or an asteroid en route to Earth this very moment, it's out there. And while, in the face of that threat, we may stop, one thing is for certain--it won't.

EDIT: This is poorly written. A slightly doctored up version can be found here.

Author:  Amergin [ 09 Nov 2006 20:36 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 10 Nov 2006 22:24 ]
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You know, I like to say I don't hold grudges. And, until today, I thought that was true. When I used to say, "I don't hold grudges," I wouldn't mean that I discounted all information of the past. I generally trust someone until I'm given a reason not to, but to simply refute everything you've learned about an individual is idiocy. So, if one were feeling argumentative, you could accurately say that I never really didn't hold grudges. Maybe what I should have said is that I'm rather accepting of apologies and, I hope, extremely tolerant.

I get my moods. Almost everyone "gets moods," so I know I'm not alone in this respect. I'm told I have an attitude problem. I think that this stems from my... taciturn nature, though. If someone is being an idiot, I don't mention it, I don't point it out, I just shut up and walk away. If someone is being a prick to me, I'll do the same. If someone is being a prick to someone else, of course, I'll stand up for the victim. But I mean this literally: if someone is being an idiot, I'll simply stay silent to the point of almost ignoring their presence. There is one person (there used to be three), in fact, that I habitually ignore. It's rather tragic, actually. This person has been an ass for a long time, but even still, I'd help him whenever he asked with whatever I could. Still, he was a jerk. Finally I decided to simply block him out completely. Notice that I said there used to be three people that this applied to. The other two finally wisened up. Whether this is because of a genuine want of friendship or from realizing all of the things that I offer (lmao, I sound like a prostitute), I don't know. But it worked. Anyways, people seem to think that all that means I have a better-than-you attitude, but really, it's the only way that I can get through my day.

Back to the grudge thing. There are just certain people I can't stay angry at. Interestingly, this list is not static. At least, I think it's not. Said list has only been around for two years, and very few people have been on it. There is only one person who was on it and isn't anymore, but that begs the question... was that person ever on it? Maybe it's just me, but it seems that people on such a list shouldn't just be penciled in. I write my lists in Sharpie.

Author:  Amergin [ 11 Nov 2006 22:41 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 12 Nov 2006 00:25 ]
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Amergin wrote:
Henceforth, I am not intelligent. I am wise.

No, no you are not. Shut the f- up.

Author:  Amergin [ 15 Nov 2006 20:57 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 16 Nov 2006 20:56 ]
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They say it's best to live life with no regrets. The easiest way to do that is to create none. And so that is what I'm going to do. I will no longer regret anything because I will have nothing to regret. I am going to do everything perfectly the first time. I will be given no second chances, and I will require none.This is how I want to live my life.

And that is how I'm going to do it.

Author:  Amergin [ 17 Nov 2006 19:29 ]
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My best friend and I had a fallout of sorts. It's the first one we've ever had, and could very well be the last, as contact is very close to being broken off entirely. I'm not so blinded by what's happened as to say that there's no chance that we'd ever get back together. I see things similar to this all too often in the friendships of others. But I will say that there is a good chance that it's over. Essentially, he thinks I'm arrogant, and I think he's an immature little child. Both of us are correct. Both of us have people that agree. He's not willing to accept that. Whatever. Whatever happens, happens. I'll move on either way, I just may not like it.

Author:  Amergin [ 18 Nov 2006 20:56 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 22 Nov 2006 09:48 ]
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Alex Iverson wrote:
Of the countless forms of meditation we can use, journaling offers its own unique benefits. Most meditations help empty the mind of concerns and bring positive ideas from our mental landscape, but journaling helps us anchor that experience in the material world. Not every person is attracted to meditating in seated silence, and journal meditation is a nice alternative as an active meditation. It allows us to trace our journey and see where we have grown and what lessons we may be repeating. By employing a different part of the brain than creative or inspired thought, writing or typing a journal can create a greater sense of connection and union with our physical selves and the world around us.

In working through challenges, it can be helpful to first empty all worries from our heads onto the safe pages of our journal. Fears can be brought to light rather than allowing them to haunt the dark corners of our subconscious. We may even feel heaviness dissipate once our heads are free from clutter, leaving space for inspiration and the creation of positive images in their place. Often in the process of writing out all the details of an event that troubles us, something that had been forgotten will come to the surface, providing a missing piece of the puzzle. Then we can truly begin to come up with answers, and write them down beside the worries to map the way from concern to constructive thought.

For capturing guidance and flashes of inspiration, journaling is ideal. This is especially true in the case of dreams, which often fade as we awaken. While working toward goals, keeping track of progress as well as guidance from readings or divination tools can be encouraging. Though it can be difficult to keep all of our guidance in the front of our minds, if we write it down it can serve as a reminder whenever we need it. We can also use our journals to converse with our higher selves or even the universe. Journaling offers yet another way to unburden mind and spirit, while also creating a record of the present and preserving our hopes and dreams for the future.

My basketball team had a scrimmage against some school in the deep country on Monday. We played five 12-minute quarters, the first of which we did better than OK in, but still probably lost, even though no score was kept. After the first one, we did increasingly worse. And when I refer to the game after the third quarter, when I say "we," I mean "the team without me." In the third, no one was covering their guard, so he drove through the paint, towards the basket, and I sprinted to get in front of him. Well, he got no further, shot, and I blocked it. But when he saw he was going to be blocked, I think, he turned his shoulder toward me, sped up, and drove it into my spine. I have no idea what the hell he hit, but ever since then, my back has been killing me. Either he threw a vertebra out of alignment, some of my nerves are pinched, or something else. I have a bruise on my lower back, but that's not really where it hurts. It sucks. I showed up at practice yesterday, but didn't participate due to copious amounts of pain.

Author:  Amergin [ 23 Nov 2006 22:52 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 25 Nov 2006 18:48 ]
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Four words no son wants to hear from his father after he runs into the room: "There's been an accident." Apparently, Mom was outside burning some sticks/branches, and/or she was moving them around. One of them flew up and hit her in the eye and directly below it, or something like that. So right now, after having used an eye-wash and some Q-Tips with iodine on them below her right eye, she's en route to the hospital. Dad is driving her, of course. I was instructed, as always, to wait here. Well, not here, exactly, but here. And so here I am, waiting for them to call from the hospital, hopefully after its thoroughly disinfected and is stitched up.

Author:  Amergin [ 02 Dec 2006 21:49 ]
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When I get really nervous or am anticipating something, I shiver. I don't quake, I don't shake, I don't tremble, I shiver because I become cold. I'm shivering right now.

Oh, and Mom is fine.

Author:  Amergin [ 03 Dec 2006 14:46 ]
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Alex Iverson wrote:
Chemical Conundrum

With a single elegant equation, Einstein unified all matter in the known universe under a single category: energy. We already know that everything is comprised of a very short list of atoms called the periodic table of elements. So another way put it is, all matter is chemical; or chemical energy.

This deduction is a clean cut and simple fact of our relative universe. Within this chapter I will attempt to illustrate numerous functions of the average cultural perception that blatantly disregard this deduction. There are countless understandings that despite being accepted as fact aren't integrated into our daily function. What good is enlightenment if it isn't utilized?

In our modern culture the most detrimental affect of non-adherence falls in the realm of needs and desires. Humanity has progressed so far beyond their roots nearly all have forgotten where they came from. Due to this fact, the line between necessity and luxury has become quite blurred. This is dangerous because when we forget our roots we lose track of our very essence. A perfect example can be made of our relationship with bugs. There was a point when we were overwhelmingly content picking up a nice protein rich bug, popping it in our mouths and munching away. The show Fear Factor adequately illustrates our vast shift. We went from happiness to fear and disgust.

When we break everything down to basics, humans need very little to survive. For the sake of explanation we must distinguish between surviving and thriving. Survival is just that, barely surviving. Thriving is surviving well enough to be healthy and procreate. All that is necessary for survival is bugs and water. Shelter is only necessary when weather conditions are life threatening.

Humanity has been so unbelievably spoiled for so long we've somehow equated comfort and happiness as necessities. Many believe it is their right to be comfortable, almost as if the universe owes it to them. The fact of the matter is that discomfort is an absolutely necessary element of progress. Complacence is always a direct result of too much comfort.

Socrates said, "He is richest who is happiest with the least." It is possible to be happy with absolutely nothing. There are stories of tortured Jews in concentration camps that maintained happiness. True happiness comes from within, and isn't affected by anything external. Most people haven't experienced the type of happiness that is derived from inner peace. What nearly all of humanity experiences when they're "happy" (by their personal definition) is nothing more than maintenance of an addiction. Though nothing is required to be happy, many things can temporarily induce the sensation. The key factor is that all external sources of happiness have maintenance costs and expiration dates. In addition, the fickle human perception makes them all highly variable. One can love something (or someone) for a lifetime than decide to despise it in an instant.

Here's a funny little connection that will, no doubt, ruffle a few feathers. The previous illustration proves that every person that condemns drug addicts are hypocrites. Since all matter is a chemical, every single thing beyond BASIC survival necessities that one believes they need to be happy (including other humans) is a chemical dependency. Love itself is a drug. Ultimately (and ironically), it isn't the external matter that makes us happy, but the endorphins (usually serotonin) released in our brain as a result of that matter. We're all nothing more than endorphin junkies.

If asked which chemical dependencies were most acceptable in our culture, most would say caffeine, alcohol and nicotine. If we consider everything that yields an endorphin fix as a chemical dependency this is grossly inaccurate. Caffeine aside, the fore mentioned chemicals aren't really accepted so much as tolerated. With the new parameters set, the most accepted chemical addictions are food, love, and materialism.

Generally, food is only considered an addiction if you're over weight. It's obvious why food isn't viewed as a drug. Food is a necessary for survival. However, good tasting and convenient food are not. We only need bugs and water. When taste is considered we are actually opting for the best endorphin rush. It isn't the food we like, but the chemicals released as a result. Because fat and sugar are the most basic units of bio energy they release the most endorphins. Few stop to realize the foods they regularly eat contain more chemicals than any single street drug. Sugar as we all know it (refined, granulated, corn syrup etc.) doesn't exist in nature. It's manufactured in essentially the same fashion as cocaine. In both cases the active element is isolated and concentrated. Those who've tasted raw sugar cane know it doesn't nearly pack the punch of granulated sugar. Just as cocaine versus coca leaves.

Of all aspects covered in this chemical conundrum, materialism is among my biggest peeves. Einstein said, "Perfection of means and confusion of ends seem to characterize our age." American culture has facilitated rampant consumerism to a degree that's nearly incomprehensible to me. Everyone drives themselves crazy striving for financial power. And for what? Stuff. It all boils down to stuff; the trendy designer label, the big fancy car, the latest techno gadget... Where does it end? A better question would be, what long term benefit to the individual or humanity does any of it serve? Unfortunately, more often than not, the answer is none. When ecological and labor efficiency are brought into the equation the picture gets grimmer.

My biggest complaint with materialism is that it's idealized. In our current bling culture materialism is viewed not as an addiction, but rather the acceptable average pursuit. Furthermore, when any ethic or ideal is accepted in large numbers a sense of self-righteousness prevails with its adherents. I love crushing that self-righteousness with a simple efficiency comparison. Again, considering that pleasure derived from materialism isn't the object itself, but endorphins released as a result, than drug addicts are more efficient on a number of levels. Few stop and ponder what goes into bringing a single product to store shelves. First you need raw materials. Then you must harvest, process and transport the materials to a manufacturing site. Once made, the product is sent to a distributor, then wholesaler, and finally to a store near you. Also consider that many products consist of multiple parts, each requiring an individual manufacturing process. To roughly illustrate the grossly exorbitant amount of energy that goes into a single product consider what, in terms of fuel consumption, raw materials, and labor hours is required. Now consider the relatively short duration that a materialistic purchase is able to satiate the endorphin craving. An issue with all forms of addiction is tolerance, and materialism is no different. A drug addict simply ups the dosage. It's not so easy for the materialist. They can't buy more of the same object to fill the void. They must constantly search for new objects; each requiring separate manufacturing processes. Drug addicts are more efficient, quite simply, by eliminating unnecessary steps and middle men. Rather than relying on objects to release endorphins, they go directly to the chemical. The drug is taken, and endorphins are released; game over. Most drugs go through a single manufacturing phase (less for some if you consider pot a drug). Man hours, packaging, shipping and over-head are all kept to an absolute minimum for obvious reasons. Pound for pound, material-holics waist more energy and are more ecologically detrimental than the so-called degenerates of our society.

Finally, we're on to my favorite addiction to debate; love. My thorough enjoyment spawns from my unique and somewhat wacky view. Very few naturally see it as I do. I aimed to study from a completely objective perspective, and dissect with the detachment of a physicist. Since all advanced emotions (as we know them) can't exist without language I first tried to imagine how they initially formed; and subsequently evolved. From these efforts I came to a number of profound conclusions.

The most ignored aspect of love is that it is both a drug, and a materialistic desire. It's materialistic because it requires external matter. Yet again, it's not the person that brings happiness, but rather endorphins released as a result of interacting with that person. Furthermore, love is very specialized because the person is required to act in specific ways. How many couples, after infatuation subsides, argue over changes in action? "Why don't you do this any more?" "How come you did this more before?" People rarely love unconditionally (many never do). Most have a list of ethics that, if violated, invalidate their love.

Author:  Amergin [ 08 Dec 2006 20:39 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 09 Dec 2006 17:48 ]
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I've never really had any qualms about posting any of my stories or poems I've written before, because they've all been relatively minor, and rather crappy at that. But I think I may have finally found something. I've had this one idea kicking around in my head for a while now, and I've been hacking away at it each time it comes within range of my directly pyramidal organ. It's different than anything I've ever done before, written like a contemporary classic, and I'm very excited about it. All the others I've done have had meaning and symbolism, sure, but this one more than any other would be powerful. It would be a truly immense piece of literature, and I firmly believe that, were I to write it correctly, it would forever place me in the ranks of Golding, Huxley, Irving, and Salinger. But, you see, that is the problem. I don't dare begin to write it now, as I know that my compositional abilities have not yet progressed nearly enough to even make an attempt.

And so I wait. I mentally elaborate on the story, hone my skills, think, and otherwise go about my life. Once I'm ready, I'll begin to write, and once the capstone is placed on the writing, I'll be ready once again, but for something entirely different, as my magnum opus will have been completed.

Addendum: I couldn't just leave you with that, and yet I can't tell you much about it. Still, here are a few things.

- A lighthouse plays a prominent role.
- It's a tragedy.
- There will be enough intellectual material to keep anyone busy for a very long time.
- History plays a large role, and it will be historically accurate.
- The story reflects an era, but will be relevant to any time period in which humans exist.
- It's set in England in the early 1900s.

Author:  Amergin [ 12 Dec 2006 18:42 ]
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I meant to post this a while ago, and I don't think I ever did.

I've noticed that people (almost always teenagers) with very little in the way of an actual social life tend to turn to the internet. This is nothing new. And don't get me wrong, it's perfectly fine to not have many friends; I'm a bit of a loner, myself. But specifically, I've noticed that said rejects turn to Photoshop. Even if they're not very gifted artistically, they'll learn to use Photoshop, potentially even selling their "art" from their "portfolio." Maybe they think it will net them some friends. Maybe it actually does. Just something I've noticed.

Author:  Amergin [ 12 Dec 2006 20:59 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 16 Dec 2006 21:20 ]
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If I do not know what I am, and I do not know what I gaze upon, can not the claim be made that I am that which I see?

Author:  Amergin [ 16 Dec 2006 22:33 ]
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Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here.

Lately I've taken to an extreme fascination with propaganda, crowd control, Stalin, and the Third Reich. There are certain things that can only be accomplished with an immense guiding force. The power a single thing or person can have over entire waves of people is mind boggling. Why do they follow him? Is it love? What does he have, or what did he promise them, and can I promise or do the same?


Author:  Amergin [ 17 Dec 2006 00:47 ]
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outrageous sigh

Author:  Amergin [ 18 Dec 2006 20:38 ]
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sah ein Knab' ein Röslein stehn,
Röslein auf der Heiden,
War so jung und morgenschön,
Lief er schnell es nah zu sehn,
Sah's mit vielen Freuden.
Röslein, Röslein, Röslein rot,
Röslein auf der Heiden.

Knabe sprach: "Ich breche dich,
Röslein auf der Heiden."
Röslein sprach: "Ich steche dich,
Daß du ewig denkst an mich,
Und ich will's nicht leiden."
Röslein, Röslein, Röslein rot,
Röslein auf der Heiden.

Und der wilde Knabe brach
's Röslein auf der Heiden;
Röslein wehrte sich und stach,
Half ihm doch kein Weh und Ach,
Mußt' es eben leiden.
Röslein, Röslein, Röslein rot,
Röslein auf der Heiden.

Author:  Amergin [ 20 Dec 2006 14:22 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 21 Dec 2006 00:37 ]
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Writing down my dreams has really helped my recall. I've thought about just turning this into a written dreamscape, but decided against it. I had another one last night, but it was meaningless and boring, so I won't go into detail other than to say that Sonata Arctica came to town and I bought, then gave away (oops), tickets to see them.

Author:  Amergin [ 21 Dec 2006 00:38 ]
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My aunt sent us this gift basket full of various candies made with pecans. I honestly had no idea I liked pecans until this. The nut alone was never particularly interesting, but coat it in chocolate or glaze it in a cinnamon solution and yum!

Author:  Amergin [ 24 Dec 2006 01:33 ]
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I had another dream last night, and the subject of them is coming up more and more in my life, that I thought I'd post a story from when I was but a wee lad. How this came to be associated with dreams in my mind is beyond me, but it was sort of surreal at the time, and reminds me of that dream I had involving the green foil (sword) and the Musketeers. It's not at all magnificent, but I guess I was easy to impress as a kid or something.

I was perhaps seven years old, and my parents and I had decided to go on a relaxing road trip of sorts up in Maine. We made the mistake, however, of driving up there in a car. I don't think anyone realized how much we'd be driving, but our "relaxing road trip" quickly turned into "driving around lost in the wilderness of Maine." I think we averaged about six hours per day for a few days straight, until we sort of figured out that if we actually had a destination in mind, this was it. The destination itself wasn't actually that great, just some log cabins in the middle of nowhere. It was the journey to get there that was at once hellish and entertaining, though certainly not hellishly entertaining.

Our lodging along the way ranged the gamut. At one point, we followed a brochure advertising "cozy rooms" with a "clean pool facility" and ended up at a complete dump. The pool was the worst I've ever seen. The diving board looked like it was made of jelly, pathetically hanging off the side of the pool, and there was no way it would have borne anyone's weight. Not to mention the water of the pool itself, which, I shit you not, was green. I'm not even going to get into the rooms. But on the other hand, we did end up at some very nice places. One, in particular, we promised to go back to (but we never did). It was a large compound off in the woods some place with a nice (but very cold!) pool, nature trails, huge rooms, etc. One memorable thing about that, I guess I'll call it an inn, was a life sized chess set. Each piece came up to my approximate chest level and weighed anywhere from 20 - 30 lbs.

Anyway, the focal point of this story is a neon purple jellyfish. At some point, we ended up at this beach that had a small, motorized ferry taking people over to another beach. I remember the scene quite clearly. There were around a dozen adults talking with each other on the beach and numerous kids in the water. Six of the little ones were avidly trying to catch a very tiny crab that was moving around. I saw it dash past me. It was bone-white and very quick. I walked past them, towards a platform kids were using to jump off of, into the water. About half of the way there, I was pretty isolated from anyone else who was in the water. The nearest person was a kid floating on his back maybe thirty feet from me. At this point I was also just over waist-deep in water and not at all looking where I was going. I was just plodding straight ahea-


I looked down to see, not three inches from my right thigh, a purple blob of goo that I knew was a jellyfish. I had seen them before (though never this close), but this one, for some reason, was odd. Not only did it seem to glow as it ghosted through the water, towards me, but something about it just seemed odd. Needless to say, I got the hell out of there and told my parents about the freaky, glowing, purple jellyfish that I almost walked right into in a freshwater lake in Maine. They didn't believe me. Nor, for that matter, did the ferry operator. Whatever.

Author:  Amergin [ 25 Dec 2006 22:24 ]
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Merry Christmas. I had a good one, but apparently the Xbox 360 I received was defective. After much hassling with Microsoft's customer support, we've decided to just exchange it or make use of the warranty.

Author:  Amergin [ 26 Dec 2006 22:15 ]
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I accidentally found out just now that I can listen to (at least) two different songs at once, while keeping them completely separate. Now I want to find out how many I can go up to. This post is essentially a reminder for myself to check.

Author:  Amergin [ 01 Jan 2007 01:51 ]
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I have Xbox Live up and running, so send an invite/friend request if you like. My gamertag is Escariot95.

Author:  Amergin [ 01 Jan 2007 02:15 ]
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i would like to go back in time and beat the shit out of myself

Author:  Amergin [ 01 Jan 2007 23:22 ]
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Today was the last day of my winter break, and tomorrow is my first day of school in the new year. I haven't had a great break, but I can't say I'm pleased to be going back. Midterms are coming up in a week or two, I'm not quite sure when, and I can't say I'm fond of those, either. Still, there are some people I'd like to see again who it would not have been possible to see over break, and so it's not all a loss.

With Xbox Live hooked up, I've had some interesting conversations with people from all over the world. One fellow in particular, a Frenchman, was interesting. A great portion of our conversation consisted of his failing attempts at English and mine at French, while each of us was reassuring the other that he was, in fact, doing well.

Author:  Amergin [ 03 Jan 2007 23:03 ]
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Author:  Amergin [ 26 Mar 2007 11:17 ]
Post subject:  Re: Compos Mentis

Hi. What's up?

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